The Reduced Slayers Shakespeare Company
by Queen Mab1
Summary: Life is short and the complete works of Shakespeare is long. That's why the Slayers are cutting it down as much as they can (because the tragedies are funnier). [Romeo and Juliet UPLOADED]
1. Default Chapter

Note: I do not own Slayers or any of William Shakespeare's works. I would also like to thank the Reduced Shakespeare Company; they inspired me to do this. Please note that this fan fiction in written in a stage direction like format for the mood of the fic. And without further adu: the fic.  
  
  
  
                                    _The Reduced Slayers Shakespeare  
  
  
  
_

[The location; well it would have been at the Globe Theater, but because we need chairs, lights, etc, so we can now say that we are at a fancy theater..]  
  
[_Backstage_]  
  
Mab (me): [sorting through the script and sitting in a chair] We're starting in ten minutes!  
  
[Zelgadiss, Gourry, Xellos, and Zangulus come running in, all dressed in old English clothes.]  
  
Zangulus: We have a problem.  
  
Mab: Don't tell me you forgot your lines.  
  
Zel: No, I know all my lines.  
  
Gourry: None of the girls have gotten here yet.  
  
[Silence]  
  
Mab: Are you serious?!  
  
Zangulus: I told Martina not to prey to Zoulmelguster last night for good luck!  
  
Xellos: Well, if this isn't a lovely little disaster ^_^  
  
Mab: Well where the hell are they?!  
  
[On one of the streets of the city, a certain car is stuck on the middle of the road. People are sticking their heads out of the car windows and yelling things like…Okay I can't put them here.]  
  
Amelia: [reading the drivers manual] Now pull the 'stick shift' back one more time, and push down on the 'gas pedal'.  
  
Lina: Which one is the 'stick shift'?  
  
Martina: Don't you know anything?! It's this one! [Leans over from the back seat]  
  
Filia: No, I was paying attention! It's this one. Right here, Lina. [Leans over from back seat]  
  
Amelia: Filia-san, the manual says that is the 'steering wheel'.  
  
Slyphiel: Now I won't get to see Gourry Dear.  
  
Filia: [grabs manual and throws it in the back seat] The MANUAL is the thing that got us stuck in the first place!  
  
Lina: I don't see why we have to use this 'car' anyway! Why can't we just Raywing out of here?!  
  
Martina: Not all of us can fly!  
  
Amelia: And last time we tried the men in the flying metal birds came.  
  
Filia: Were they called 'helicopters'?  
  
[Back at the theater backstage]  
  
Mab: We have to go on and do the introduction now!  
  
Zel: Maybe they'll get here by the end of the intro.  
  
Xellos: Maybe the police got Lina again.  
  
Zel/Gourry: Lina was arrested?!  
  
Xellos: That's a secret!  
  
[Lights dim]  
  
Mab: Shoot! We have to start! Okay, none of the girls are in the introduction, so lets just start and see if they come! I'm outta' here. 

                                    THE REDUCED SLAYER'S SHAKESPEARE  
  
  
[Enter Mab in the spotlight]  
  
Mab: Greetings. I would like to welcome you all to tonight's performance of The Reduced Shakespeare! Before we begin, I would like to have you all take a moment to locate the exit nearest you incase the theater catches on fire. If a fire does occur, do run for your life. If lack of oxygen occurs, be aware that an Oxygen mask will drop from above.  
  
[Oxygen mask drops from above the stage]  
  
Just simply pull the strap over your head and breath like you always would. And please, no smoking, drinking, eating, fireballing, mace throwing, hexing people, or picture taking, while in the theater.  
Before our play starts, we would like to start you off with a little bit of information on Shakespeare. To do this, Mr. Gourry Gabriev has done some research on the life of Shakespeare.  
  
[Mab goes stage right and sits in a arm chair. Enter Gourry]  
  
Gourry: (ahem) William Shakespeare was born in 1564 in Stratford upon Avon. There, he was third of eight kids and the son of John Shakespeare.  
  
[Backstage]  
  
Zel: Is that Gourry?  
  
Xellos: He got something right.  
  
[Stage front]  
  
Gourry: …Where he married a Roman woman named Cleopatra. In 1588, Shakespeare moved to London to pursue his dream of being a barber. In 1592 his success as a great play-write and actor began. Shakespeare became the first German Kaiser of Japan and led a revolution against…some country…in 1608 after his dramatic product.   
  
[Silence]  
  
Uhh…A few years later Shakespeare signed the Declaration of Independence and brought peace and enlightment to the people of India. He then traveled into the mountains to become a monk. From there, Shakespeare invaded Poland and started World War II. After the war, Shakespeare committed suicide by shooting himself and his girl friend. Thank you.  
  
[Exit Gourry]  
  
Mab:…. And without further adu, The Reduced Shakespeare…  
  
[Exit Mab. Backstage]  
  
Zel: Gourry, I don't think Shakespeare invaded Poland and started World War II.  
  
Zangulus: He sounds like a real powerful man!  
  
Mab: He didn't sign the Declaration of Independence either…. Did any of the girls get here yet?  
  
Xellos: No. Perhaps they just forgot.  
  
Mab: Well that's too bad. And our first play is Romeo and Juliet. And we had Lina as Juliet and Amelia as the Nurse.  
  
Zel: Well you're a girl. You can be Juliet.  
  
Mab: No I can't! I'm the narrator! I'm hardly even going to be here. The only thing I am even going to be doing this whole time is saying bits and pieces of needed information for the plays.   
  
Gourry: Darn. And I was Romeo too.  
  
Zangulus: Anyone have nay ideas?  
  
[They all exchange looks]  
  
Mab: Well this is not so bad. I mean all the actors in Shakespeare's time were men anyway.  
  
Xellos: Wait…  
  
Zel: Are you saying…  
  
Zangulus:……At least I'm already playing a guy!  
  
Mab: Zelgadiss and Xellos, you can take the roles.  
  
Zel/Xellos: WHAT?!  
  
Mab: Zelgadiss, you can be Juliet.  
  
Zel: WHAT?  
  
Mab: Xellos can be the nurse!  
  
Xellos: Hooray. An old perverted lady.  
  
Zel: Hold it! I will not play Juliet! Especially if Gourry is Romeo!  
  
Gourry: Hey! I can be a good Romano!  
  
Xellos: Gourry, it's Ro-me-o. Romano is a cheese.   
  
Zel: And I don't even know what you are doing here reciting Shakespeare when you can't even remember what you ate this morning.  
  
Gourry: I know my lines, and that is all that matters! I am going out there and I am going to play the best Rodeo you have ever seen!  
  
Zel/Xel/Zan: It's Romeo!  
  
Mab: Zel, you are playing Juliet. Now I am sorry to say that you and Xellos will have to change costume. Well, Xellos, you and Zangulus will have to a few times. We need some extra parts.  
  
Zangulus: Hold on, what about that…Valgaav? He's here too!  
  
Zel: Valgaav is an egg…  
  
Zangulus:…Oh…Well anyway, show time!  
  
Gourry: Awww, now I'm hungry…

  
  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
Mab's note: Well, that's a taste. I hope that this works out okay. Yes, I will do every one of Shakespeare's works ^_^ how I will you may just have to wait and see. I am writing lots of my other fic, 'Gypsy Moon', right now, so this fic will most likely have very slow updates. Sorry, but it is true. Though, thanks to winter break rolling over, I should have a good amount of time to get the next 'Act' up quite soon. Shakespeare wrote tragedy and killed people in his plays…do not worry, none of the Slayer's will die! But Shakespeare wrote much romance and I am not the kind of person to pass up the chance of putting romance in ~_^. So yes, there will be couplings and they will be traditional. Z/A and L/G and a little X/F (I am a hopeless romantic)   
  
Now, I would like to end this with a much-delayed shout out to Raven Summersong. She has been so kind to me and has helped me much in discussing our fics and writings (and the Two Towers). I have learned a bit in the ways of drama and bittersweet-ness from her work. Raven has a lovely fic out there, and it is called 'Bird'. It is a very different story and very different from normal drama fics. But another she has out there is a fic called 'Stars' and it is VERY cute! In the end I can promise you will be smiling whether you know it or not!


	2. The notsosacred Romeo and Juliet

Note: I do not own Shakespeare or Slayers. I would like everyone to be aware that THIS IS REDUCED! Meaning that not all the line are said and cut short. Some line from other paragraphs are place din others. To sum it up, if you are trying to read the real Shakespeare, do not refer to this. But mind you, everything is done in order. No have fun!                                      
  
  
  
  
Reduced Slayers Shakespeare  
  
  
[Spotlight on Mab]  
  
Mab: [Sitting in a large arm chair]  
Ladies and gentlemen, let us begin the Complete Works of William Shakespeare in the beautiful and romantic setting of Verona Italy, where we see two of our favorite characters: Romeo and Juliet.  
  
[House lights turn on. The stage is empty except for a painted background that is put up to look like a stone wall. Two holes are cut in the backing and are shaped like doors and have a painted boarder.]  
  
[Enter Xellos, Gourry, Zelgadiss and Zangulus. Zelgadiss has not changed his costume yet]   
  
Mab: Gourry, Zelgadiss, Xellos and Zangulus, here, will be playing all of the major parts in the play while I fill in with bits of crucial narration. We begin….with the prolog.  
  
[Xel, Zel, Gourry and Zangulus stand in a line across the stage]  
  
All four guys: [Through the whole prolog, each one of them act out every line in unison]   
Two households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
Where civil blood  
[Wipe hands on shirts]  
makes civil hands unclean.  
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;  
[Each pretends to kill themselves in their own way]  
Urgh!  
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows  
[Stomp feet]  
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.   
[bow] Thank you.  
  
[They all exit]  
  
[Spotlight on Mab]  
  
Mab: Act 1, scene one. Now, in the street meet two men; tall and handsome. One named Benvolio, the other, Sampson. Their hatred fueled by an ancient feud; for one is Capulet, the other… Montagued.  
  
[House lights turn on. From stage left Xellos enters as Sampson. From Stage right Zangulus enters as Benvolio. They are each humming a tune.]  
  
Xellos: [singing and walking up stage while waving] Ohhh I like cheese fries early in the mornin'…  
  
Zan: [singing and strutting in] Anything you can do I can do better…  
  
Xellos: But they gotta' be curly and I also like ice cream! And-  
  
Zan: And I like the pretty woman the big-  
  
Xellos: [see Zangulus] * glare*  
  
Zan: [sees Xellos] *** glare*  
  
**Xellos/Zan: [ Exchange a glance. To the audience] Oh it's him I hate him! Hate 'em all.  
  
Xellos: So stupid and prissy-  
  
Zan: Hate him, what a dog-  
  
Xellos: He's such an ass-  
  
Zan: Stupid, I hate him, and-  
  
Zan/Xellos: [Look back at each other] * Big fake smile* Eh heh heh heh…  
  
[The walk by each other]  
  
Xellos: [bites thumb] ^.-  
  
Zan: GASP! [glares at Xellos] Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?  
  
Xellos: I do bite my thumb, sir!  
  
Zan: [stomps up in his face] Do you bite your thumb at ME, sir?!  
  
Xellos: [grabbing him by his collar] No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. Do you quarrel, sir?  
  
Zan: [pushes him off] Quarrel sir! no, sir.  
  
Xellos: If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you!  
  
[The start walking in different directions]  
  
Zan: Ha! No better!  
  
Xellos: Yes-  
  
[They stand still]  
  
Xellos * grin * ….better.  
  
Zan: * sense of doom* ……Ooooh.  
  
[Zan and Xel face each other]

Zan: YOU LIE!!  
  
Xel: HAHA!  
  
[Each charges at the other.]  
  
Punch! Kick! Smack! Crack!  
  
Xellos: [punches Zan in the stomach]  
  
Zan: [trips Xellos and pulls off some wrestling moves]  
  
Xellos: [grabs the back of Zan's heads with his free arms, and flips him forward]  
  
Zan: [gets up and charges at Xellos]  MONTAGUE!!  
  
Xellos: CAPULET!!  
  
Zan: HAAAIYAH! [karate kicks Xellos to backstage through on of the doors]  
  
CRASH!  
  
[Zangulus stomps backstage and comes out pulling a life size doll (poorly made) that looks like Xellos. Zangulus throws the doll on the floor and begins to stomp on it]  
  
Zan: Haha! Now I'm twisting your hand! How do you like?! AH HAHA-  
  
[Enter Xellos/Prince dressed as the Prince (complete with crown)]  
  
Xellos: Rebellious subjects!  
  
Zan: Uh-oh, it's the prince… [Throws 'Sampson' aside]  
  
Xellos: [Picks up 'Sampson' doll] Enemies to peace! [To Zan/Benvolio] You Capulet; shall go along with me:  
[To 'Sampson' doll]  
And, Montague, come you this afternoon,  
To know our further pleasure in this case.  
  
[Exit Xellos/Prince dragging out the 'Sampson' doll]  
  
Zan: *mourn * O, where is Romeo? saw you him to-day?  
Right glad I am he was not at this fray.  
  
[Enter Gourry as Romeo]  
  
Zan: See, where he comes: so please you, step aside;  
I'll know his grievance, or be much denied. Good-morrow, cousin.  
  
Gourry: *sad * Is the day so young?  
  
Zan: But new struck nine.  
  
Gourry: Ay me! sad hours seem long.  
  
Zan: It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?  
  
[They start to speak and prance around the stage]

Gourry: Not having that, which, having, makes them short.  
  
Zan: In love?  
  
Gourry: Out--  
  
Zan: Of love?  
  
Gourry: Out of her favor, where I am in love.  
  
Zan: Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,  
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!  
  
Gourry: Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,  
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!  
  
Zan: Go ye to the feast of Capulet's. Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest,  
With all the admired beauties of Verona: (oh baby) *wink *  
Go thither; and, with unattainted eye,  
Compare her face with some that I shall show,  
[Runs to Exit Left]  
And I will make thee think thy swan a crow! Haha!  
  
[Exit Zangulus/Benvolio]  
  
Gourry: I'll go along, no such sight to be shown,  
But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.  
  
[Exit Gourry/Romeo]  
  
Mab: Annnnd so much for Act One…Yeah… And so, Romeo is off to the feast of Capulet's where Romeo is doomed to meet his Juliet. And, in a scene of such timeless romance… he'll try to get into Juliet's pants! * wink *  
  
[Enter Zelgadiss/Juliet in a pink skirt and loose white girly shirt. In other words, he's in drag. Enter Gourry/Romeo]  
  
Zel: *mumble groan * [Skips around the stage humming a tune] La la lala la la la lala!  
  
Romeo: O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!  
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.   
[Grabs Zelgadiss' hand and kneels down in front of him] If I profane with my unworthiest hand  
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:  
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand  
  
Zel: O_o  
  
Gourry: To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.  
  
Zel: *girly laugh *Ah haha! Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, [Back off form Gourry and taunts him by running off] Which mannerly devotion shows in this;  
 [Waving hands around]  
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,  
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.  
  
Gourry: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Zel: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.  
  
Gourry: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;  
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.  
  
[Gourry leans in to kiss Zel]  
  
Zel: Uh…[Pushes Gourry back] Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. [Twirls hair with his finger]  
  
Gourry: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.  
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. [Makes advancements on Zel]  
  
Zel: *blush * [Keeps pushing back] O_O T-t-then have my lips the sin that they have took.  
  
Gourry: Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!  
Give me my sin again! [Leaps for Zel]  
  
Zel: [Pushes away from Gourry and struggles against him] *whisper * G-Gourry I don't want to kiss you.  
  
Gourry: [Leaning in] Look, it's in the script.  
  
Zel: I don't care!  
  
Gourry: But you're Juliet!  
  
Zel: That doesn't mean that-  
  
Gorry: Zel, we have to for th-  
  
Zel: [Knees Gourry in the stomach]  
  
Gourry: Gak! [falls on the floor in pain clutching his stomach]…..Ow.  
  
Zel: O_O… Uhh… *girly laugh * Hahahha….Oh, uh, you kiss by the book! What's that? Coming mother. * shrugs* [Walks to the other end of the stage by Mab]  
  
Gourry: [Gets up in pain] Is she a Capulet?  
O dear account! my life is my foe's debt.  
  
Zel: *whispers to Mab * Stand up.  
  
Mab: Excuse me?  
  
[Zel pushes Mab off her chair and climbs on the seat standing up.]  
  
Mab: What are you doing?  
  
Zel: I have pants under here, just go along with it. [Puts his skirt over Mab's head and rests his arms on her head]  
  
Gourry: …What are you doing?  
  
Zel: The balcony scene.  
  
Gourry:… Oh, um. [kneels] But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
  
  
Zel: [moving his hands around on Mab's] O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?  
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;  
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,  
And I'll no longer be a Capulet  
O, be some other name!  
What's in a name? that which we call a nose…  
By… any other name would smell as sweet;  
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,  
Retain that dear perfection which he owes  
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,  
And for that name which is no part of thee  
Take all myself.  
-Okay get down  
  
[Zel climbs down off of the chair and Mab sits back down]  
  
Gourry: [Runs to Zel] I take thee at thy word:  
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;  
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.  
  
Zel: What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night? Art thou not Romeo [turns to the audience with a look of terror] and a Montague? * dramatic!*  
  
Gourry: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike. [Taking Zel's hands and pulling him close]  
  
Zel: Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,'  
And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st,  
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries  
Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,  
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:  
  
Gourry: [Reaching out] Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear  
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--  
  
Zel: [pushing back and screaming] OH SWEAR NOT BY THE MOON!!  
  
Mab: O_o….  
  
Audience:…….  
  
Zan/Xel: …..  
  
Gourry: ……[scratches head] Okay…What shall I swear by?  
  
Zel: Um… I don't know. [Forgot his line] [Looks around and spots someone in the audience] *points * How about her?  
  
Naga: Ohhh hohohohoho! You dare swear your love upon Naga the White Serpent?  
  
Gourry/Zel: O_O  
  
Gourry: Uh, I don't think so.  
  
Zel: Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,  
I have no joy of this contract to-night:  
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;  
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be  
Ere one can say 'It lightens…  
O Romeo!  
  
[They run to the back wall of the stage and gaze lovingly at the other]  
  
Gourry: [takes Zel's hands] O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?  
  
Zel: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?  
  
Gourry: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.  
  
Zel: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:  
Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.  
If that thy bent of love be honorable,  
Thy purpose marriage, *send* *word * *to-morrow *, (See, one-two-three)  
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,  
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;  
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay  
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.  
Good night, good night! parting is such  
sweet sorrow,  
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.  
Bye bye.  
  
[Exit Zel/Juliet]  
  
Gourry: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!  
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!  
  
[Gourry leaps out off stage all too happy]  
  
Gourry: Woohoo!  
  
CRASH!!  
  
Mab: Thou Romeo did swoon with love, by Cupid he'd been crippled. But Juliet, had a lonesome cuz, whose lonesome name was TYBALT!  
  
[Enter Zangulus/Tybalt and Gourry/Romeo]  
  
Zan: Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford  
No better term than this,--thou art a villain. Therefore, turn and draw! [Tosses Gourry a sword]  
  
Gourry: I do protest, I never injured thee,  
But love thee better than thou canst devise,  
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:  
  
Zan: Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here- [gets stabbed] Oh I am slain!  
  
[Exit Zangulus/Tybalt]  
  
Gourry:…   
  
[Runs over to Mab. They look through the play on what to do next. Exit Gourry/Romeo]  
  
Mab: [Turns to the audience] Moving right along… From Tybalt's step onward, the lovers are cursed! But not without the best efforts from Friar and Nurse. Their faith peruses them, they can't seem to ducat! ….[can't find a rhyme]…And at the end of that drive, they both kick the bucket!  
  
[Enter Zel/Juliet pretending he's riding a horse]  
  
Zel: Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds! Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night, Come night. Come, civil night, Come, night; come, Romeo; come, thou day in night;  
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night. Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night Oh night, night, night, night, night. Come, come, come, come, come. [shurg] I didn't write it…*ahem * And bring me my Romeo!!  
  
[Enter Xellos/Nurse in drag to play the Nurse. His fake boobs aren't tucked in and bouncing up and down]  
  
Xellos: *jumping up and down excited * Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!  
  
Zel: Xe-Xellos! [Runs over] *whisper * Tuck y-your breast in!  
  
Xellos: Huh? [Looks down] Oh. [Tucks in boobs] Ahem. Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!  
We are undone, lady, we are undone!  
  
Zel: Can heaven be so envious?  
  
Xellos: O Romeo, Romeo!  
Who ever would have thought it? Romeo!  
  
Zel: What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?  
This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell. Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but 'I,'  
  
[They start to panic]  
  
Xel: I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--  
God save the mark!--here on his manly breast! [Grabs Zel's fake beast]  
  
Zel: Ahh! [Beats] What storm is this that blows so contrary?  
Is Romeo slaughter'd, and Tybalt slain?  
  
Xellos: *sad * Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished;  
Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished.  
  
Zel: *gasp *… Oh God… *mournful *did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood?  
  
Xellos: *hangs head * It did, it did; alas the day, it did  
  
Zel: [Turns away] Oh…  
  
Silence  
  
Zel/Xel: [Throw hands in air] Ahhhh!  
  
[They begin to run around and panic]  
  
Zel: O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!   
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!  
  
Xel: There's no trust,   
All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers!!  
  
Zel: Blister'd be thy tongue  
For such a wish!!  
  
Xel/Zel: [Face each other] AHHHHH!   
  
[Exit Xellos/Nurse]  
  
Zel: My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;  
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband  
  
[Enter Zangulus/Friar Lawrence draped over in a long brown cloak with his hood up]  
  
Zel: OH Friar Lawrence!  
  
Zan: Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief; [Hands Zel a small vile] Take thou this vial, being then in bed,  
And this distilled liquor drink thou off;  
When presently through all thy veins shall run  
A cold and drowsy humour.  
  
Zel: [Drinks] Oh a feel a cold and drowsy humour running through my veins (Obi Wan). [Hands back vile as Zan/Friar exits]  
  
[Exit Zangulus/Friar Lawrence]  
  
Zel: [Grabs throat] *strangle * Ack! [Stumbles about for a bit and falls of the stage spread out]   
  
Mab: ^_~ (Just say no!)  
  
[Enter Gourry/Romeo]  
  
Gourry: [See Zel and runs over skidding across the floor] OHHH NOO! [Accidentally runs to fast and skids in between Zel's legs]  
  
Zel: ((Oo)!!  
  
Gourry: [Leans down] Uh-uh, You okay?  
  
Zel: *cringe * I-I'm okay. Stone…so…not so bad.  
  
Gourry: Sorry. *ahem O my love! my wife!  
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,  
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:  
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet  
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks.  
Why art thou yet so fair?   
  
Zel: *mumble * I don't know.  
  
Gourry: Shall I believe  
That unsubstantial death is amorous,  
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps  
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?  
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee.   
Here's to my love!   
[Takes out a vile. Drinks  
O true apothecary!  
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.  
  
[Gourry leans in to kiss Zelgadiss, who shuts his eyes tight. Gourry is about an inch away and stops.]  
  
Silence  
  
[Gourry slowly draws back up and drinks from the vile again]  
  
Gourry: Thus with a kiss I die.  
  
[Gourry leans in again and is an inch away until a voice come from backstage]  
  
Lina: ZELGADISS GRAYWORDS I SWEAR IF YOU TAKE MY PART I WILL KILL YOU!!  
  
[Zelgadiss lifts his head back some and Gourry looks over]  
  
Mab: Oh they got here.  
  
[Enter Lina, in costume mind you]   
  
Lina: ZELGADISS!  
  
[Lina runs and skids across the floor with her leg stretched out and kicks Zelgadiss out of the way to backstage with her foot only to come under Gourry and get his kiss]  
  
Crowd: GASP!  
  
Lina: **BLUSH**  
  
Gourry: [Opens his eyes] Oh… Hi, Lina ^_^  
  
Lina: *softly * G…Gourry?  
  
Gourry: Oh, um. Romeo's death scene. Thus with a kiss [quickly kisses Lina] I die.  
  
[Gourry falls over]  
  
Lina: **still blushing** Oh…Um...  
[Yawns and gets up. Scratches her head]  
 Good morning!   
[Looks around] Oh where of where is my love? [Sees Gourry] Ahhh!!!!  
What's this? a vile, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:  
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop  
To help me after?  
then I'll be brief. O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die!  
 [Lina takes the dagger from Gourry's belt and unsheathes it to find a dagger with an extremely small blade]……   
………………  
That's Romeo for ya'.  
  
Gourry: LINA!  
  
Lina: Sorry ^_^  
  
Lina: *ahem * Oh Romeo! [Lina stabs the dagger in her chest]  
  
Nothing happens  
   
Lina: …[Takes the dagger back form her chest and looks at the small blade. She pushes the plastic blade in with her finger and watches it pop back out.] …. Uhh.  
  
Gourry: Lina, just die!  
  
Lina: Humph! Fine! [Stabs self and falls]  
  
Mab: EPILOUG!  
  
[Lina and Gourry get up and come to the front of the stage. Zangulus and Xellos come in and stand by Gourry and Lina. Amelia comes in and Zelgadiss enter (still in drag) with a Guitar. Amelia gets next to Gourry and Zelgadiss kneels by her on one leg and starts to play the theme song to Romeo and Juliet on the guitar.]  
  
[Gourry, Lina, Xellos, and Zanglus act out the Epilogue with hand gestures]  
  
Ame: A glooming peace this morning with it brings;  
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:  
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;  
Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished:  
For never was a story of more woe  
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.  
  
[Zel plays faster]  
  
Everyone: [Singing] And Roooomeo and Juuuliet are deeeeAAAADD!  
   
[Exit everyone]  
  
  
______________________________________________________  
Mab: And it's up! The next one coming up is-------I'm not saying.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
